and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
