cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize