Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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