Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
