I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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