How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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