I cannot find my penis.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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