Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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