Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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