I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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