so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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