he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
