I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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