the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
