I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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