the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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