I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
