So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize