You can't special order awesome
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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