I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
