Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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