??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
