He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
