My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
