My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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