I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize