And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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