Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
