After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
