goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
