oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I want to have your abortion
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
