Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
