is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
