Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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