I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
