my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
