Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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