i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
