it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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