So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
