i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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