census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he puts the penis in happiness.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He passed out mid-signature
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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