Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
