It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
