i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
