and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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