unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
