everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
