but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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