thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
