How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
