i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
