I cockslap morals
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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