I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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