So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
