Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
