she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
