I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
