I accidentally burped into my bong.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
