i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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