I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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