words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
