Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
