bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
