I can text with my tongue
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
