I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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