her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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