How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
